lake rebbecca

Lake Rebbecca, MN

Garrett and I loaded up the dog on Saturday and headed west to stretch our legs and find some adventures. We're still learning all of Bree's quirks. One of them is that she gets car sick. We're not sure if it's because of anxiety . . . or because she just gets sick in the car. We were smart enough to pack some spare towels, because she did end up getting sick in her crate, but we cleaned it up quickly and she was fine after that.

The destination was worth the effort. We were able to park the car and take the dog for a walk along the lake and into the woods. It's that time of year when the leaves are just starting to turn. The nights have been chilly around here. We woke up to a light frost on Sunday morning.

I had a good start to the work week today. I'm glad I have my job to keep me focused and busy. Both Garrett and I have signed up for community education classes this fall. I'm taking a yoga and dog training class and he's signed up for two nights of volleyball. I'm also going to try to get in on the local knitting circle that meets at the cafe up the street every Tuesday. Busy is good.

There was a wedding going on at the park as we were visiting it. I thought their sign was really cute. Best Day Ever! Makes me smile.

Happy Monday!

Jillian

dear birthmother

Dear Birthmother:

I remember a year ago when Garrett and I were first starting the process of adoption, we were asked to draft a letter to perspective birth mothers and I had no idea what to say. I would start and then stop. Phrases that seemed silly would appear on the page and then be deleted.

Thank you for this ultimate gift. 

We will be super parents for your child. 

We understand what you're going through and want you to know that we are praying for you.

And I just realize now that I had no idea what I was talking about. The miracle of adoption is really hard to wrap your mind around. In order to make the dreams of one woman come true, another woman has to sacrifice something that will always always leave a mark on her. But it happens. Miracles happen.

As we come up on the one year anniversary of our wait to adopt a child, I've been very reflective. Sometimes I want to toss out the entire profile book that we created and rewrite everything that we wrote before so that I can do it better. Maybe our baby will come to us sooner. But then another voice inside of me tells me to be patient, that even though we may not say exactly the right thing and show exactly the right pictures our birthmother will see us and know that we are genuine and good. I worry that I can't understand  exactly what our birthmother is going through and that I'll say something stupid and wrong. I want to be a mom so bad. I want to create a family with my husband. Do I have the capacity to understand how you, the birthmother of our adopted child, is feeling?

So, I'm waiting today and praying today. I don't know if I did everything right. I have to believe that there is a woman out there who will discover my husband and my story and feel moved to reach out to us. Trust us.

We are waiting, ready to cherish the gift that is offered. This wait is not easy, but we know that it's worth it.

Praying for everyone one who is struggling today - to build a family, to do what's best for their family and to make their way in this beautiful and hard world. 

Jillian

late summer meals + projects

We've been pretty busy here this late August. I finally got out into the garden today, to pull some weeds and harvest some tomatoes. Those oranges ones posted above are called Orange Oxheart and they make the best BLTs! We've been gorging ourselves on tomatoes and basil and all of the wonderful things that you can make with those two food staples. I like to take equal parts real mayo and pesto and combine it into pesto mayo. This is so good on a BLT or just a cold sandwich.  The tomatoes are starting to pile up on the counter so we're due for another BLT or salsa binge this week.

I've been embroidering a little something. Not my design, but I was drawn to it when I saw it on Pinterest - making it makes me feel positive energy so I'm letting myself indulge. It can be found here.

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Jillian

august knitting

August has been all about the garden and eating fresh food. We've been having a lot of salsa because the tomatoes are ripening faster than we can even hope to consume them all. Salsa is a good way to deal with these little buggers before they get over ripe and go to waste. We've been eating it with corn chips, between browned flour tortillas with cheese and grilled chicken and on our eggs. I'm not sick of it yet, but we haven't come close to peak tomato production yet.

More knitting. August seems to traditionally be a big knitting month for me. Maybe it's because fall is just around the corner and the thought of cooler weather has me reaching for my knitting needles to make yet another shawl or wrap. Such was the case a few weeks ago. This pattern is called All About Love Shawl and you can find it here for free. Who do you think wears it best? Me or Bree?

I'm really proud of the garden this year. Last year we were coming to terms with so many road blocks about starting our family that I totally neglected the yard, flowers and garden, but this year I've been on top of things - cultivating things. There's nothing more dejecting than having a bummer of a day and walking out into the back yard to look at your dead garden. Hard times - I'm so glad we're moving forward the best way we know how. I don't ever ask for it, but we'd love to be on the receiving end of any positive thoughts or prayers. You can even contact me if you know of any connections that might help us with our adoption. I can put you in touch with our social worker - our homestudy is written for domestic infant adoption. We're coming up on our one year adoption waiting game anniversary in October. I've been hopeful that this blog might help us make a connection. Connections sometimes come from the oddest places - a hunch becomes a chance and a chance could turn into our miracle.

Feel free to share this blog if your heart moves you in that direction.

hollyhocks & waterfalls

I don't know where I've been finding the time to knit, but another little sweater found it's way off the needles. I really love this one it's made from some soft alpaca handspun that I made over five years ago. Some of the first yarn I spun, I think. I'd forgotten about it, but then found it in a bag of yarn in my sister's closet this spring. I instantly reclaimed it and started to knit with it, but it took me awhile (lots of tearing out and starting over) to find the right pattern for it. Now that it's finished I love its super pastel softness - with the streaks of pink stitches that flash thru it.

We've been out and about. Our church had an outdoor service at Minnehaha Falls, which gave me a chance to snap photos of the falls. The park was already crowded, even on a Sunday morning when we got there. We live fairly close to this park and should visit it more often - I always forget how beautiful the falls are.

Hollyhocks seem to be the fad in the community garden this year. Many plots have large stands of them, but they are starting to develop that mold that always gets them this time of year. The blossoms are still pretty.

This was my first batch of deviled eggs for the season. The dill is growing like crazy in the garden right now. We've been putting it on chicken and in salads and of course in these deviled eggs. They disappeared (into our bellies) in less than twenty-four hours.

Hope your summer is going well!

Jillian

july moon

Much to my husband's delight I have been roasting brussel sprouts this week. It has been beautiful around here, so we've been grilling out as often as we can. Just soaking up the summer sunshine. We still comment on how grateful we are for this weather, which I think says a lot about just how hard it was go get through this past winter.

Happy 4th of July! We're sticking close to home, because we have a lot of family events planned for the middle of the month. We'll celebrate then. I picked up the knitting needles again, but not with the yarn I had promised. This yarn came off the spinning wheel this week. It's kinda a funny story (funny to a spinner) but I spun my plies in opposite directions. This means that I wasn't able to ply my two bobbins together when I was finished. I had to ply my yarn with another bobbin of yarn that I had saved from two years ago (another instance of "mis-plied" yarn.) But I really love the results. One bobbin had long stretches of lavender and pale blue, while the other was multiple shades of pastel pinks, green, peaches and purples. Sometimes your mistakes turn into your best color combinations.

I did end up Navajo plying the rest of my "mis-spun" yarn. I don't think it's enough for a sweater. Maybe I can make some booties or a small hat. We'll see where my inspiration takes me.

Adoption update: there's really not much to update. Our facilitator's website has really slowed down over the summer and they say this is normal. Less placements happen in the summer. Kinda a bummer for me. Our facilitator told me not to look at the website so much and just "take a vacation" myself. I wish I could do that, but I have stopped expecting so much each time I look at the website. Things should pick up again in the fall.

Thank you to all our service men and women who sacrifice so much to serve and defend our country. I love to see the flags waving on the 4th of July. Hope wherever you are tonight that fireworks are blossoming overhead.

XOXO

Jillian