december days

Here's an assortment of photos showing how we've spent this December. There have been trees and cookies and lots of knitting.

We had a great time decorating the tree and discovering ornaments we made decades ago. The one above is one my husband made when he was just a boy. I love the old glitter and glue.

Well, still only two stockings next to the tree this year. Here's hoping we can add an additional one before this time next year.

I didn't get my Christmas wish . . .

Sending love:

Jillian

let it snow

It's kinda weird, but I only like listening to holiday music when I'm riding in the car with my husband. I told him that the other day (as we were driving) and he thought it was funny.

"Why" he asked me. "Didn't you always like Christmas music growing up?"

"Yah," I said, "but I really like sharing it with you, because Christmas has become so special to me now that we're together."
One thing I haven't told him is that there are certain holiday songs that I consider to be "our" holiday songs. I don't think this is too off the wall considering that we got engaged in December one year and married in the January of the next. Some of the most important events in our connected lives have revolved around the holidays.

Christmas trees make me think of my wedding dress and the sparkling gold and silver shoes that I wore on my wedding day (that killed my feet) but they were so pretty. Totally worth it.

Happy December!

Jillian

a walk

Quick, while the leaves are still on the trees, snap a picture! We got out for a walk this past weekend. So many people have commented how wonderful this autumn has been. The leaves seemed to glow bright for weeks and weeks.

It's a rainy and windy day today and the leaves are finally gone. I miss them, but from what I hear we may be expecting a dash of snow this upcoming weekend, so that will add some excitement to the landscape. I've already noticed that the advertising around me is turning to snowflakes and holidays. November is always a month that seems to pass in a flash for me. We have a party at work this upcoming Monday and then the real celebration happens at the end of the month.

I've been making comfort foods. Lamb and spinach lasagna, warm, crusty bread and soups. I love it when a pan of leftovers saves dinner after a busy day at work. All you have to do is pop a plate in the microwave and in a few minutes you have a meal sitting on the table. In just a few weeks we'll all be trying to figure out what to do with the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Bring on the turkey and the stuffing!

I've got to find more ways to get both Garrett and myself in these photos. I've realized over the past few months that I'm posting just me and Bree (because Garrett took the photo) or just Garrett and Bree (because I took the photo) or just Bree! I've been trying to get a good shot of us all for our holiday card, but so far I've had no luck.

I'm busy today with home study renewal stuff. We need to go in for our annual sit-down interview with our lovely social worker, Kathi. The biggest thing that happened to us this past year was the adoption of our rescue dog, Bree.

Sending love,

Jillian

apple orchard

Last weekend we stopped by the apple orchard that my husband's grandparents used to own when he was a boy. He spent many October days there sorting apples and helping out in the orchard. He had lots of fun stories to share as he led me around the farm.

"This is different." He would say. "They didn't have a fire pit here when I was a kid."

When we were in the barn he commented on how small it all seemed to him now. Of course, I thought, everything seems huge to us when we're kids. Some days I wish I could go back to being a kid again. Especially in the fall when the leaves are so crunchy and the nights are so crisp. Who would you choose to become on Halloween night? Would you skip down the sidewalk with your friends feeling nothing but joy and anticipation over your bag full of candy and the school days stretching out in front of you?

Last night - which was Halloween - I made a big pot of chili for dinner. As we sat down at the table Garrett commented that pretty soon we would have our hands full on Halloween. Meaning he hoped we would be blessed with children soon. I felt so grateful for him in that moment - reminding me of what we have to look forward to - not our school days, but our kid's school days and costumes. 

We'll bring them to the orchard someday and let them sit on the tractor and pet the goats and tell them how "Daddy used to work here." And all of these days of waiting for things to begin and of forcing myself to stand strong on the sidelines of motherhood will shrink from the huge mountain they are today into a mole hill. A mere speed bump on our journey to become a family.

Praying for you little ones!

XOXO

Jillian

yellow leaves

This past weekend was crammed full with both work and play. I played around the house on Saturday, tidying some things up and roasting a pumpkin for a spiced pumpkin cake. Bree and I got out for a stroll around the neighborhood. The community garden is showing signs of fall. The zinnias are starting to look frostbitten and faded - yet they still make me smile.

On Saturday the community garden was filled with monarch butterflies. They must be on their annual migration, but a whole mob of them decided to dart down from the sky and enjoy the pretty blossoms of my neighborhood.

I had to work on Sunday, and it's those extra hours that made it possible for me to take the afternoon off today. I plan on making a pot of chili and some corn bread. If Bree plays her cards right we'll head out for a walk. It's a lovely, blustery afternoon. Part clouds and part sunshine. The leaves are skittering across the pavements.

Just perfect.

Have a great day everyone!

Jillian

my sweethearts

Warm woolly socks for winter, hearty stews with lentils and spices, a Sunday pot roast with herbs from the garden and a glass or red wine - my two sweethearts chillin' on the sofa. Fall is here and I'm trying not to miss out on it!

Today has already been a busy day. I've cleaned the house, baked a loaf of banana bread and now I'm sitting in my little studio playing around with words and yarn. I brought most of my house plants inside because the mornings have been chilly around here. Many of them ended up on my desk. The window faces east and they get a good amount of sun in the morning. Hopefully we'll see some pretty flowers come January.

As I write this Bree is in the backyard, nosing around in the fading garden and woofing playfully at people as they walk by. We'll head out for a walk in the early evening. Me, Bree and the hubby. Ever since we got Bree we've been walking together more, and I miss Garrett when he's too busy to head out with us on our evening jaunts. The weather is supposed to be glorious this weekend. I'm on a "stay-cation" here at home. Now that the house is in order I can dig into one of my many projects.

Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

XOXO

Jillian

lake rebbecca

Lake Rebbecca, MN

Garrett and I loaded up the dog on Saturday and headed west to stretch our legs and find some adventures. We're still learning all of Bree's quirks. One of them is that she gets car sick. We're not sure if it's because of anxiety . . . or because she just gets sick in the car. We were smart enough to pack some spare towels, because she did end up getting sick in her crate, but we cleaned it up quickly and she was fine after that.

The destination was worth the effort. We were able to park the car and take the dog for a walk along the lake and into the woods. It's that time of year when the leaves are just starting to turn. The nights have been chilly around here. We woke up to a light frost on Sunday morning.

I had a good start to the work week today. I'm glad I have my job to keep me focused and busy. Both Garrett and I have signed up for community education classes this fall. I'm taking a yoga and dog training class and he's signed up for two nights of volleyball. I'm also going to try to get in on the local knitting circle that meets at the cafe up the street every Tuesday. Busy is good.

There was a wedding going on at the park as we were visiting it. I thought their sign was really cute. Best Day Ever! Makes me smile.

Happy Monday!

Jillian

dear birthmother

Dear Birthmother:

I remember a year ago when Garrett and I were first starting the process of adoption, we were asked to draft a letter to perspective birth mothers and I had no idea what to say. I would start and then stop. Phrases that seemed silly would appear on the page and then be deleted.

Thank you for this ultimate gift. 

We will be super parents for your child. 

We understand what you're going through and want you to know that we are praying for you.

And I just realize now that I had no idea what I was talking about. The miracle of adoption is really hard to wrap your mind around. In order to make the dreams of one woman come true, another woman has to sacrifice something that will always always leave a mark on her. But it happens. Miracles happen.

As we come up on the one year anniversary of our wait to adopt a child, I've been very reflective. Sometimes I want to toss out the entire profile book that we created and rewrite everything that we wrote before so that I can do it better. Maybe our baby will come to us sooner. But then another voice inside of me tells me to be patient, that even though we may not say exactly the right thing and show exactly the right pictures our birthmother will see us and know that we are genuine and good. I worry that I can't understand  exactly what our birthmother is going through and that I'll say something stupid and wrong. I want to be a mom so bad. I want to create a family with my husband. Do I have the capacity to understand how you, the birthmother of our adopted child, is feeling?

So, I'm waiting today and praying today. I don't know if I did everything right. I have to believe that there is a woman out there who will discover my husband and my story and feel moved to reach out to us. Trust us.

We are waiting, ready to cherish the gift that is offered. This wait is not easy, but we know that it's worth it.

Praying for everyone one who is struggling today - to build a family, to do what's best for their family and to make their way in this beautiful and hard world. 

Jillian