my sweethearts

Warm woolly socks for winter, hearty stews with lentils and spices, a Sunday pot roast with herbs from the garden and a glass or red wine - my two sweethearts chillin' on the sofa. Fall is here and I'm trying not to miss out on it!

Today has already been a busy day. I've cleaned the house, baked a loaf of banana bread and now I'm sitting in my little studio playing around with words and yarn. I brought most of my house plants inside because the mornings have been chilly around here. Many of them ended up on my desk. The window faces east and they get a good amount of sun in the morning. Hopefully we'll see some pretty flowers come January.

As I write this Bree is in the backyard, nosing around in the fading garden and woofing playfully at people as they walk by. We'll head out for a walk in the early evening. Me, Bree and the hubby. Ever since we got Bree we've been walking together more, and I miss Garrett when he's too busy to head out with us on our evening jaunts. The weather is supposed to be glorious this weekend. I'm on a "stay-cation" here at home. Now that the house is in order I can dig into one of my many projects.

Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

XOXO

Jillian

lake rebbecca

Lake Rebbecca, MN

Garrett and I loaded up the dog on Saturday and headed west to stretch our legs and find some adventures. We're still learning all of Bree's quirks. One of them is that she gets car sick. We're not sure if it's because of anxiety . . . or because she just gets sick in the car. We were smart enough to pack some spare towels, because she did end up getting sick in her crate, but we cleaned it up quickly and she was fine after that.

The destination was worth the effort. We were able to park the car and take the dog for a walk along the lake and into the woods. It's that time of year when the leaves are just starting to turn. The nights have been chilly around here. We woke up to a light frost on Sunday morning.

I had a good start to the work week today. I'm glad I have my job to keep me focused and busy. Both Garrett and I have signed up for community education classes this fall. I'm taking a yoga and dog training class and he's signed up for two nights of volleyball. I'm also going to try to get in on the local knitting circle that meets at the cafe up the street every Tuesday. Busy is good.

There was a wedding going on at the park as we were visiting it. I thought their sign was really cute. Best Day Ever! Makes me smile.

Happy Monday!

Jillian

dear birthmother

Dear Birthmother:

I remember a year ago when Garrett and I were first starting the process of adoption, we were asked to draft a letter to perspective birth mothers and I had no idea what to say. I would start and then stop. Phrases that seemed silly would appear on the page and then be deleted.

Thank you for this ultimate gift. 

We will be super parents for your child. 

We understand what you're going through and want you to know that we are praying for you.

And I just realize now that I had no idea what I was talking about. The miracle of adoption is really hard to wrap your mind around. In order to make the dreams of one woman come true, another woman has to sacrifice something that will always always leave a mark on her. But it happens. Miracles happen.

As we come up on the one year anniversary of our wait to adopt a child, I've been very reflective. Sometimes I want to toss out the entire profile book that we created and rewrite everything that we wrote before so that I can do it better. Maybe our baby will come to us sooner. But then another voice inside of me tells me to be patient, that even though we may not say exactly the right thing and show exactly the right pictures our birthmother will see us and know that we are genuine and good. I worry that I can't understand  exactly what our birthmother is going through and that I'll say something stupid and wrong. I want to be a mom so bad. I want to create a family with my husband. Do I have the capacity to understand how you, the birthmother of our adopted child, is feeling?

So, I'm waiting today and praying today. I don't know if I did everything right. I have to believe that there is a woman out there who will discover my husband and my story and feel moved to reach out to us. Trust us.

We are waiting, ready to cherish the gift that is offered. This wait is not easy, but we know that it's worth it.

Praying for everyone one who is struggling today - to build a family, to do what's best for their family and to make their way in this beautiful and hard world. 

Jillian