winter days

 

We got out on the snowshoes last week while visiting the farm. The snow was pristine - white and fluffy. The woods were quiet and filled with animal tracks. The sheep lined up near the fence to watch us tromp by, then something scared them and they all spun and darted away, which made me laugh.

I have mixed feelings about the new year, part of me is frightened that it will be filled with the repeating disappointments of last year, but I do sense a ribbon of hope flashing on the horizon. Our plan for adoption is in process. We have completed our homestudy and we're up and running on our facilitator's website. All we have to do is wait and hope that we are chosen by a birthmother.

Wait and hope. Hope and wait.

My hope this year is different than last year. This year I'm protecting it and not leaving it exposed and in the open. I do believe that hope is like a phoenix that can be reborn again and again with renewed strength, but each little death of a hope is painful and draining. You're not the same person you were when you were living with your first hopes - but second, third and one-hundreth hopes have the strength of experience. They have also been tested by disappointments. Will you give up now? How important is this to you?

It's become very clear to me what things are important and what things are not, and my life has actually become more simple.  What about you? What are your hopes and resolutions for 2014?

Blessings to you this new year!

Jillian