stripes + stars

events of July 2016 (so far)

Baby's teething - lots of drool

splashing in the lake

stars and stripes everywhere

sock yarn slipping off the knitting needles

crisscrossing the state in our car

trips to the farm to see grandma and grandpa - and the sheep!

a wild patch of raspberries

visits to the north woods to stay in a cabin

sitting around the campfire

looking at the stars

knitting before bed in the warm glow of a single lamp

making jar after jar of raspberry jam

(gallons of berries in the freezer)

weeding the garden and watching the zinnia blossoms grow

chasing the barking dog

piles of paperwork and forms

completing homestudy #3

laughing with baby at his goofy dad

drinking cider and grilling in the backyard

thankful for all of our blessings

:) Jill

P.S. Joining Nicole at Frontier Dreams!

faith on our journey

We have been busy these past weeks, traveling to make some connections for our adoption and then scrambling to catch up with work when we returned. Our journey took us to the eastern United States and I'm feeling very hopeful that it is where we may finally catch a break and find the baby that we have been earnestly hoping and praying for - for three long years.

It's been a difficult journey. Hope and faith are lifelines. But sometimes it really is hard to keep the faith alive. I think I read somewhere that faith kicks in when hope has started to fade. Faith takes a lot of strength. Some days I'm good at it, other days I stumble.

Faith is enduring.

Before our trip I made a big batch of chicken noodle soup. I think this recipe has kept me from falling ill all winter (knock on wood) I hope my immune system holds out as it seems that a new batch of the flu bug has broken out at work. Seriously, I don't know why some people won't just stay home when they are oozing symptoms, but such was the state of my office last week.

I will be traveling for work again this week. This is the third of four travel sessions that I will have to take for this particular project. I can't wait for this phase to be over. The days are grueling and it really wears you out.

Finished the little sweater. I'm tucking this one away in a drawer scented with lavender that holds other precious baby things. (Faith and hope again.)

I hope you are all well and starting to thaw after this grueling winter we experienced in the Northern Hemisphere.

Jillian xoxo

december days

Here's an assortment of photos showing how we've spent this December. There have been trees and cookies and lots of knitting.

We had a great time decorating the tree and discovering ornaments we made decades ago. The one above is one my husband made when he was just a boy. I love the old glitter and glue.

Well, still only two stockings next to the tree this year. Here's hoping we can add an additional one before this time next year.

I didn't get my Christmas wish . . .

Sending love:

Jillian

a walk

Quick, while the leaves are still on the trees, snap a picture! We got out for a walk this past weekend. So many people have commented how wonderful this autumn has been. The leaves seemed to glow bright for weeks and weeks.

It's a rainy and windy day today and the leaves are finally gone. I miss them, but from what I hear we may be expecting a dash of snow this upcoming weekend, so that will add some excitement to the landscape. I've already noticed that the advertising around me is turning to snowflakes and holidays. November is always a month that seems to pass in a flash for me. We have a party at work this upcoming Monday and then the real celebration happens at the end of the month.

I've been making comfort foods. Lamb and spinach lasagna, warm, crusty bread and soups. I love it when a pan of leftovers saves dinner after a busy day at work. All you have to do is pop a plate in the microwave and in a few minutes you have a meal sitting on the table. In just a few weeks we'll all be trying to figure out what to do with the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Bring on the turkey and the stuffing!

I've got to find more ways to get both Garrett and myself in these photos. I've realized over the past few months that I'm posting just me and Bree (because Garrett took the photo) or just Garrett and Bree (because I took the photo) or just Bree! I've been trying to get a good shot of us all for our holiday card, but so far I've had no luck.

I'm busy today with home study renewal stuff. We need to go in for our annual sit-down interview with our lovely social worker, Kathi. The biggest thing that happened to us this past year was the adoption of our rescue dog, Bree.

Sending love,

Jillian

dear birthmother

Dear Birthmother:

I remember a year ago when Garrett and I were first starting the process of adoption, we were asked to draft a letter to perspective birth mothers and I had no idea what to say. I would start and then stop. Phrases that seemed silly would appear on the page and then be deleted.

Thank you for this ultimate gift. 

We will be super parents for your child. 

We understand what you're going through and want you to know that we are praying for you.

And I just realize now that I had no idea what I was talking about. The miracle of adoption is really hard to wrap your mind around. In order to make the dreams of one woman come true, another woman has to sacrifice something that will always always leave a mark on her. But it happens. Miracles happen.

As we come up on the one year anniversary of our wait to adopt a child, I've been very reflective. Sometimes I want to toss out the entire profile book that we created and rewrite everything that we wrote before so that I can do it better. Maybe our baby will come to us sooner. But then another voice inside of me tells me to be patient, that even though we may not say exactly the right thing and show exactly the right pictures our birthmother will see us and know that we are genuine and good. I worry that I can't understand  exactly what our birthmother is going through and that I'll say something stupid and wrong. I want to be a mom so bad. I want to create a family with my husband. Do I have the capacity to understand how you, the birthmother of our adopted child, is feeling?

So, I'm waiting today and praying today. I don't know if I did everything right. I have to believe that there is a woman out there who will discover my husband and my story and feel moved to reach out to us. Trust us.

We are waiting, ready to cherish the gift that is offered. This wait is not easy, but we know that it's worth it.

Praying for everyone one who is struggling today - to build a family, to do what's best for their family and to make their way in this beautiful and hard world. 

Jillian

august knitting

August has been all about the garden and eating fresh food. We've been having a lot of salsa because the tomatoes are ripening faster than we can even hope to consume them all. Salsa is a good way to deal with these little buggers before they get over ripe and go to waste. We've been eating it with corn chips, between browned flour tortillas with cheese and grilled chicken and on our eggs. I'm not sick of it yet, but we haven't come close to peak tomato production yet.

More knitting. August seems to traditionally be a big knitting month for me. Maybe it's because fall is just around the corner and the thought of cooler weather has me reaching for my knitting needles to make yet another shawl or wrap. Such was the case a few weeks ago. This pattern is called All About Love Shawl and you can find it here for free. Who do you think wears it best? Me or Bree?

I'm really proud of the garden this year. Last year we were coming to terms with so many road blocks about starting our family that I totally neglected the yard, flowers and garden, but this year I've been on top of things - cultivating things. There's nothing more dejecting than having a bummer of a day and walking out into the back yard to look at your dead garden. Hard times - I'm so glad we're moving forward the best way we know how. I don't ever ask for it, but we'd love to be on the receiving end of any positive thoughts or prayers. You can even contact me if you know of any connections that might help us with our adoption. I can put you in touch with our social worker - our homestudy is written for domestic infant adoption. We're coming up on our one year adoption waiting game anniversary in October. I've been hopeful that this blog might help us make a connection. Connections sometimes come from the oddest places - a hunch becomes a chance and a chance could turn into our miracle.

Feel free to share this blog if your heart moves you in that direction.

july moon

Much to my husband's delight I have been roasting brussel sprouts this week. It has been beautiful around here, so we've been grilling out as often as we can. Just soaking up the summer sunshine. We still comment on how grateful we are for this weather, which I think says a lot about just how hard it was go get through this past winter.

Happy 4th of July! We're sticking close to home, because we have a lot of family events planned for the middle of the month. We'll celebrate then. I picked up the knitting needles again, but not with the yarn I had promised. This yarn came off the spinning wheel this week. It's kinda a funny story (funny to a spinner) but I spun my plies in opposite directions. This means that I wasn't able to ply my two bobbins together when I was finished. I had to ply my yarn with another bobbin of yarn that I had saved from two years ago (another instance of "mis-plied" yarn.) But I really love the results. One bobbin had long stretches of lavender and pale blue, while the other was multiple shades of pastel pinks, green, peaches and purples. Sometimes your mistakes turn into your best color combinations.

I did end up Navajo plying the rest of my "mis-spun" yarn. I don't think it's enough for a sweater. Maybe I can make some booties or a small hat. We'll see where my inspiration takes me.

Adoption update: there's really not much to update. Our facilitator's website has really slowed down over the summer and they say this is normal. Less placements happen in the summer. Kinda a bummer for me. Our facilitator told me not to look at the website so much and just "take a vacation" myself. I wish I could do that, but I have stopped expecting so much each time I look at the website. Things should pick up again in the fall.

Thank you to all our service men and women who sacrifice so much to serve and defend our country. I love to see the flags waving on the 4th of July. Hope wherever you are tonight that fireworks are blossoming overhead.

XOXO

Jillian

hi bree

We got our dog - meet Bree! I can't thank Pat, Sara, Amy and especially Mary from Minnesota Sheltie Rescue enough for all of the time and care they put into matching Garrett and I with a dog. What a great group of passionate and caring people, I wish I dealt with more people like them on a daily basis. Being matched with a dog was a little like the real adoption process, there was an interview process and a home visit. These people really care that the dogs they work with get a good home.

Bree is helping to turn our home into a much happier place. I can't describe how rewarding it is to open the door to a smiling, goofy dog. You just can't help but smile yourself and be a bit goofy. Bree needs a lot of training. She's unfamiliar with walks on a leash and a lot of the basic commands. I'm giving her space to settle in, but we've already started to work on the leash training. Last night we got as far as the community garden. I'm hoping we can get to the walking paths along the river soon, but that will depend a lot on Bree.

I've pulled out some new yarn to start a project, not sure what yet, but something will appear on the needles soon. 

I hope you are all having a good week. The weekend is very near!